Monday, July 5, 2010

Curvaceous love - a universal tale of overcoming stocking woes

It's near impossible to invent things anymore. Whatever you dream up and concoct in your head has probably been thought of and brought to fruition by a like-minded being. Google and you shall find.

As a teen, I wanted to have a clothing company for women and girls who found it hard to find their size, whether they were very short or very tall. I would call it 'Tall and Tiny' or 'Beyond Average'. Nowadays there are shoe shops that cater for larger sizes (Rosenberg's, Diana Ferrari), clothing stores (High and Mighty, City Chic, Maggi T), petite ranges in department stores and most excitingly, a whole world of sizes available in online stores. Sadly, most of the stores mentioned are pretty dull and often expensive for what they are. Perhaps there is still room for my idea. Call me Albert.

I'm yet to find leather gloves for women that are long enough to reach my wrist without looking as though I need to chop a centimetre off my fingers (and no, I would not like a men's pair, thank you). Speaking of wrists, many jackets have sleeves that don't reach mine. Shoe shopping is still incredibly uninspiring and age-appropriate footwear is hard to come by for us big foots without grandchildren and dates at the local bowls club.

An item that I've been enjoying the hunt for with mixed results is the perfect tights. I've been asking women, large and small, about this for many winters now. A crotch that doesn't sit on your crotch seems to be the universal complaint. Drooping or rolling waists and muffin tops are high on the complaints list too. Poor durability - or a tendency to tear - also makes the ratings, but that's another topic entirely. The crotch problem is my bug bear and when I feel that horrible, familiar droop as the crotch of my stockings edges down my leg toward my thigh, I sign inwardly, send annoyed vibes to the manufacturer, mentally strike that brand off all future shopping lists and make my way to the nearest toilet to pull them up.

To save you re-inventing the wheel, I will tell you for nothing that Curvaceous tights by Razzamatazz are really worth a try. I've waisted many a minute in Myer, Target and the supermarket shelf searching for tights that don't torture. I picked up some Curvaceous pantyhose last winter at Coles and said good-bye to the dreaded droop. This winter I decided that my Curvaceous pantyhose were not opaque enough - I needed tights - so I decided to try other brands in the largest size I could find.

The first pair were Levante Extra fuller figure opaques. They weren't very opaque at 50 denier but they had a lovely silky feeling. It felt quite luxurious until I realised that silky also means slippery and in the tight department we all know that things slip in a southerly direction. One strike, you're out Levante, even if you are made in Italy. Next up is the Kayser Plus opaque tights for the fuller figure. Daggy packaging but let's not hold that against them. Pull 'em on, give 'em a go. Err, umm, the packet says that these will fit a women of my height (179cm) up to 122kg, and yet as soon as I pull them on, I know they are not long enough. They don't quite come up at the crotch and I promise I am still under 122kg. You're out Kayser Plus.

That weekend I was back at Coles stocking up on all manner of winter warmers for the home and our stomachs. I did the routine scan of the stocking aisle and discovered that the Razzamatazz Curvaceous range comes in more than just the pantyhose I had enjoyed. Was I just blind before? Is this a new line for my local Coles? Or has the range recently expanded? Stop with the questions, just grab a pair and be off. Enjoy the choice of diamond opaques, 70 and 120 denier opaques and even a herringbone net tight. Don't waste a second not wanting to wear something for the "fuller figure", as much as that phrase may have you wanting to run the other way. Never mind thinking you're going to invent bigger and better things, be glad someone has beat you to it. Do squats in all your tighted fabulousness without fear of a tear, or run in the right direction and enjoy not having to pause regularly for a not-so-subtle hitch on your waistband or thigh . Run I say, and don't look back.

1 comment:

  1. What a cack up Charles Whyte! Had me chuckling all day when I thought of the "droop" you spoke of, that us chicks can all identify with (and maybe some blokes - let's not be sexist here!!). You really do paint a vivid picture with your words. If you find some knee-highs during your shopping expeditions that fit my criteria below, please let me (and the rest of the world) know!
    My Ideal Knee-Highs:
    1) Actually "knee" high, not mid-calf high
    2) Do not ladder on first wear
    3) Do not fall down to my ankles throughout the day
    4) Have a comfortable wide band




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